I know, I know I'm a lot of things but one of them is not Greek. So why the reference well, I felt like I was transported into the movie the other day.
I have been refinishing some old furniture so that I can feel like an adult and have matching furniture. I don't know why I just feel like I need to or maybe it's because I'm not married and don't have kids and I'm restless like I need to make the world a better place but really who knows. Anyways, I needed some white paint to refinish a dresser and a nightstand (pictures of the finished product still to come). My friend Jess and I decided to go to Walmart and check and see if they had any cheap misfit white paint that I could get. We found a quart of paint that was dented all to heck and had white paint all over it for $3.73 which is AMAZING because it would have cost me triple that to get one that wasn't deformed but hey I'm not picky not at all for $3.73.
The only problem was it didn't tell me what color of paint was on the inside and well I could have assumed that since it was covered in White paint it would have been White and I realize it was only $3.73 but I didn't want to take any chances. We decided to see if the paint person would open it and let us see what color it was. It was such a simple task, just open it and let me look in but NO it apparently is not that simple for some people. The lady was nice as she could be and you could tell she was Greek and she probably hadn't lived in America her whole life but she was slow. She pulls her glasses off her head and puts them on and then she has to find the tool that opens the lid and I've already wasted more time than I wanted but it was $3.73, I couldn't pass that up so I waited. She finally opens it and goes, "There's some oil on it and it's not just white I will shake it up to see the color"( Kay when she says things you have to think of the mother and aunt for My Big Fat Greek Wedding and when you read her lines that is the voice you should hear I am super serious.)
We wait and while we wait I decide to call Crisco, BIG MISTAKE, because she is working and needs her pimple medicine that they sell at Walmart but they were out and I had been to like a GAZILLION stores to find it and I needed to let her know that they didn't have it and see if she would call around to find it at a different store so I could pick it up. So, that was our conversation except Crisco didn't want to call around so I hung up. Little did I know that the Greek lady had been eavesdropping and I think that is against the law somewhere or something. Either way if it's not against the law it's not very nice and it's even worse when you try to fix the problem. So here is our conversation (that I can recall)
Greek: "What kind of medicine are you trying to get?"
Me: Look at Jess and then back to Greek lady "Ummm acne medicine"
Greek Lady: Blank Stare
Me: "You know like pimples, zits."
Greek Lady: "OHHHH I see, have you tried Rite Aid, Walgreen's. Walgreen's has everything. Have them call it in and they will have it."
Me: "Umm, it's an over the counter drug not a prescription drug."
Greek Lady: "Oh well Walgreen's has everything you should check there."
Me: "Okay."
Greek Lady: "Is it big or small?"
Me: Look at Jess going what the hell, "Is what big or small?"
Greek Lady: "Her zit is it Big or small?"
Me: I look at Jess and she looks at me and it's like we both know this lady is crazy and I thoughtI don't know nor do I give a shit how big her zit is, "Umm it's small"
Greek Lady: "My sister had one on her back once and you couldn't see it on the outside but it was deeeeep and the doctors had to go in and scrape it out. It was like this far in (lady points from her fingers to her elbow, might I add that is one big lady if it was that far in just a side note)"
Me: Disgusted and trying to not have a mental picture I say, "Really" trying to keep from looking at her playing with my cell phone.
Greek Lady: "You know that stuff that comes in a black Bottle called Hydro something"
Me: "Hydrogen peroxide."
Greek Lady: "Yes that stuff cleans everything. One time I had a rash/cut (I have no idea what it was I was trying not to pay attention) and I just poured it on it cleaned it right up. It fixes everything."
Me: "Oh that's nice." Thinking the paint shaker is taking FOREVER, wish it would hurry up.
Greek Lady: "You should clean it for her"
Me: I don't even have words to describe what was going through my head but it wasn't pleasant.
Greek Lady: "She would love you forever. While she's sleeping just pour it in and it will bubble up all the infection."
Me: Thinking you want me to clean Crisco, my sisters zits, I don't know what freaking planet you come from but not in my world would I ever be caught cleaning that. Not only that but I'm sure Crisco would let me take care of her zits sure, NOT!
Jess: Thinking are you kidding she won't even touch raw meat.
Me: "Ummmmmm"
Greek Lady: "Ya just clean it for her. I would do it for my sister. You know that Hydro stuff really works. It cleans everything out." As she is opening the paint to see what color it REALLY is.
Me and Jess: Blank Stares
Greek Lady: "It's got an extra color in it it's not just white."
Me: The paint is soooo white or white enough who cares it's $3.73 "Umm it will work I don't care it's close enough."
Greek Lady: "Okay but you should go to Walgreen's they will have it I promise."
Me and Jess: "Thanks so much have a great day."
We walked around the corner and started laughing so hard. I felt like I was talking to the Aunt in MBFGW when she talks about the bibobsy and that she had an extra lump on her throat. Seriously this lady had to be the understudy for that part I'm not kidding. I'm sorry but you can't make stuff up like that. True story through and through. It was the longest ten minutes of my life but I got a great story and White paint (with a little extra color in it) for $3.73. Totally worth it!!!! Not only that but Crisco gagged three time and told me to Shut up like four when I told her the story- now that is priceless :~)
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